Rocket Collecting Dust
by And All That Could Have been
Summary: WIP. Chapter 7 posted. "As your skin starts scratching, wave yesterdays actions goodbye. Forget past indiscretions and stolen possessions, you're high."
1. Preface: Out Chapter 1 : The Slip

**Rocket Collecting Dust**

**Story Details**  
_Pairings_ : YukixShuichi, and a few other's I won't reveal.  
_Rating_ : xXx  
_Warnings_ : Rape, Drug Use, Physical and Mental Abuse, Course Language, Sex, and other Adult Themes.  
_Story Notes_ : I'm in this story for the long haul, although, since I'm both in college and high school (the high school that I attend requires college courses to graduate), I won't update every day. However, I will do my best to keep it going. There will be some song fic chapters, mostly because I derive my inspiration from music.  
**_Notes added Nov. 20th 2006_** - Sorry about the misspellings of names. Ayaka's name was my fault, but my word processor kept changing "Hiro" to "Hero" (Wordperfect likes to change everything it can). Quite annoying. I'm going to switch word processors, and that problem should be resolved.  
_Disclaimer_ : No, I do not own Gravitation, nor it's characters. 'Nough said.

**Chapter Details**  
_Pairings_ : YukixShuichi  
_Rating_ : 13+  
_Warnings_ : Nothing, really. Mentions of rape, and course language.  
_Chapter Style_ : Introspective  
_Chapter Notes_ : Eiri is a little OCC, but mainly because this story is an introspective, and in my mind, and this story he really cares for Shuichi, just has a hard time actually showing it.

**  
Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Preface : Out

"I'm going out tonight." Shuichi mumbled meekly in my general direction.

"What?"

It's not that I hadn't heard him, but Shuichi had never gone out, well, alone, since before Taki had rapped him. The abrupt decision seemed a little odd to me, but then again, I wasn't complaining. I mean, I hadn't been alone in my own home for more than 8 hours for nearly 2 years, and the silence was dually welcome. In fact, I was happy - I had two deadlines coming up fast, a task that was impossible with a pink haired ball of energy constantly scrambling for your affection.

"Eh." I shrugged, and tried not to let him see that I cared either way - I didn't want any whining. See - the way Shuichi works is that, if I seemed happy he'd complain that I "hate" him, and if I sound sad - well then he'd stay. And I needed to, for my sanity and for my career's sake, to have some good work time. Just a quiet night with me and my computer.

"I won't be home tonight."

Another shock. Shuichi may have come home late before - I stopped myself from growing. Before - well, him - but he'd never stayed out all night. _I swear that this kid is trying to kill me._

Another apathetic shrug, and he nodded and left my study.

_That's so goddamn unlike him. . . ._

**Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Chapter 1 : The Slip

It wasn't that first night that got me worried. I mean, everyone deserves that kind of time alone. I figured that I needed this kind of time too - but he started making a habit of giving me the time I wanted. I didn't think anything of it for the first couple of weeks, and then, after my deadline had come and passed, I noticed that the house had come to acquire an uneasy emptiness.

I tried talking to him about it, but I'm not exactly blunt.

"Brat, where are you going tonight."

"Out."

"Once again, my skills of observation are accurate. Goddamn it brat, _where_?"

"Not really sure. I'm going to Hiro's house, and then we're going to decide were to go from there."

"Are you fucking Hiro?"

And the minute the sentence came out of my mouth, I regretted it. He turned on me with that sizzling hurt burning deep in his eyes, as if I'd just set the fires of hell aflame in his heart.

"NO! I don't ask you where you're going every time you leave! Why are you interrogating me like this?"

At first his was screaming at me, but about halfway through the sentence, his eyes dropped, and he started to mumble. I couldn't take that kind of un-assurance, and so I stomped to my study and slammed the door. I could've imagined his large purple eyes staring at the door, watering and then - but no. There was no obnoxious wailing, no "YUKI!". Just silence. Well, almost silence. I heard the door slam, and I slid down to the floor.

Why had he answered me so defensively? Was I too intimidating or . . ._was_ he fucking Hiro? He seemed a bit off . . . and then my chest tightened as I realized what this could mean. If he was fucking Hiro - he'd leave me soon. I couldn't let that happen. My head started spinning, and I thought back through the past few months with him. After Taki he became more obnoxious - more craving, but then, as if overnight, it just stopped.

My heart twisted, and I could feel the pressure in my stomach starting to rise. He hadn't been going out then - but even the absence of his spunk sent my arms into shudders. It seemed unnatural for something that beautiful to be so sad. And he didn't really talk about it - and I hadn't thought about pushing it. In the world before all of this, he'd always told me what was on his mind - even when I pretended I didn't give a shit. So why, what was it, that had started this?

Hunching over, I put my hands over my eyes, and slid my fingers to my temples, trying to stop the inevitable headache that was creeping in via the tension in the back of my neck. Had I done something? Fuck, what was I kidding? I was cold, despondent, and hurtful. Even the nickname I'd given to him made him flinch. I had meant it all in love - in fact, over the past two years, I'd lost myself in him. I had become obsessed. And it pissed me off that he'd been so distant. Then again, was he just trying to make me see what he felt? Or does he know I care enough to feel that hurt?

And that's why I decided to find him. I grabbed my cigarettes, knowing full well that were I too find him, and not have any nicotine in my system, that I'd never be able to forgive myself for the actions that'd take place. And he'd never be able to forgive me either.

Which brings me here, waiting anxiously outside Hiro's house.

It's been nearly two hours since I parked my car on the curb. It's started raining four different times, and I've gone through 3 packs of cigarettes. My nicotine addiction is being fueled by my goddamn thoughts. I keep wondering what Hiro's doing to my lover right now. All the nastiest, most grotesque, and most beautiful things keep popping into my head, and I'm getting horribly antsy. My cell phone is going to break soon, because I keep flipping it open to call Shuichi, but as soon as I see the background picture, my throat get's dry and I snap it closed angrily. It's of Shuichi and me on our first date. He's so happy - his eyes are sparking, and he's hanging onto my arm. I am trying to shake him off.

There's so much emotion that comes from seeing that picture. He's himself, he's happy and bubbly. I had him - and I let him go, not even 24 hours after the picture was taken. I got him back, but how long could I keep him when I acted how I did towards him? I don't know if I could blame him for doing this, that is, _if_ he _is_ fucking Hiro. Maybe he's just talking to him - and having a good time.

I am so goddamn pathetic. I can't even think of him laughing with another person now - because I can't seem to form a smile on those lips. Granted, I've never tried - but I should have, and I wonder if I could've, had I tried. Was this good for him? Does he need to be with someone else?

Fuck I'm crying. The tears are running down my cheeks like the way they used to when Shuichi had those nightm - No. I can't be like this. I need to be strong. I am Shuichi's lover. I am the only one he cares about - and I need him. I love him. I just - I can't bring myself to tell him.

Fuck. I can't wait here all night. I need to see what is going on in that damned apartment, and I need to know now. 


	2. Chapter 2: The Realization

**Rocket Collecting Dust :**  
Chapter 2 : The Realization

**Chapter Details**  
_Pairings_ : Read and find out.  
_Rating_ : 13+  
_Warnings_ : Mentions of rape, masochism, and delusions. A few naughty words.  
_Chapter Style_ : Introspective, Eiri, Ayaka  
_Chapter Notes_ : I don't know why, but I like doing chapter's in parts. Also, I'm not ecstatic about this chapter, it seems a little boring, and a little rushed, but I've already re-written it 3 times. I think I need to let it be, and work on what's next.

**Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Chapter 2, Part 1 : Yellow Wallpaper

I finally got up the nerve to walk inside the building, but instead of actually knocking, I'm just standing here waiting outside Hiro's door. I don't know why I'm so afraid of this. The Eiri I've formed wouldn't even be here right now, would've just left everything that belonged to his lover outside the door without confirmation of a suspicion.

_Yes, but Shuichi changed you. 2 years ago you wouldn't have even let someone move in. . ._

It's raining again. From my place outside Hiro's door I can see the streaks of water slamming themselves against the hallway window. It makes a beautiful scene for my next book, but it shouldn't be happening in real time. Lightning. Large splashes of light hit every few seconds followed by the booming sound of thunder, and the flashes light up the hallway in an eerie way. The yellow wallpaper appears to be peeling back, and underneath are all the memories I've made in the past two years. Rough sex. Beautiful images of his face, peaceful, as he sleeps. Distorted images of the night I kicked him out. The pictures that Taki took, with Shuichi's face contorted in screams. Parallel clips of tears streaming down his face in just the same fashion as the rain on the window.

A small defeated hiss echoes from my lips down the deserted hallway, and I try the doorknob. _Unlocked._ Odd. I'd never leave my door unlocked, especially not when I had someone in my bed that wasn't supposed to be there. I creak open the door. The living room is dark, except for the occasional glimmer of lightning. I shudder, and ignore the shadows that seem to morph into more distorted thoughts and memories.

I can see a dim line of light peaking out from underneath a door. The bedroom, it must be. I hesitate, unable to slam open the door. I can see myself doing it, and thereafter ripping Hiro to shreds. But it doesn't happen. Instead, I press my ear to the hard wood, and listen. I can hear talking, and a television turned down real low. I hear a voice, but it's not Shuichi. It's a women. Ayaka. I breath a sigh of relief, and step away from the door, just as the small brunette opens the door, and I'm flooded in light.

"Don't loose him, Hiro. I don't know why he's doing this, but Eiri deserves to know, and Shuichi needs to stop. He's killing himself." She says, her head still pointed in the direction of Hiro. My heart drops for the millionth time that night, and then Ayaka turns towards me, and her eyes widen in surprise. I stiffen, and regain my composure.

"What do I deserve to know?" I say, my voice cold. I imagine I we might have looked odd, the three of us, standing together. An ex-fiancee, a frozen author, and the best friend that knows much more than the author would like him to know. Much more, even, than the author knows.

Ayaka and Hiro both stare at me bewildered for a moment, and then Hiro slowly stands.

"Let me make you some coffee. It's kind of a difficult story."

**Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Chapter 2, part 2 : Like Rocks Into Dust.

When I first saw him standing in the doorway, my body became paralyzed. It had been forever since I'd stood that close to him - the man I love. And with so much knowledge swirling around in my head, that I didn't want to give him. Actually, I was afraid to give it to him, but I wanted to. Some part of me wished that when he found out, he'd drop Shuichi in the middle of nowhere and marry me. But of course, this is life, not my fantasies. Here, I'm engaged to Hiro, and Eiri and Shuichi are living a damaged shell of a life, for which, both of them refuse to get help.

My mouth opens to say something - anything - but the words get caught up in my throat, and instead I kind of cocked my head to the side awkwardly.

"What do I deserve to know?"

I nearly stutter something out, but Hiro saved me that failure.

"Let me make you some coffee. It's kind of a difficult story."

Eiri nods, and I lean against the doorway as Hiro passes and sulks into the kitchen, turning on lights as he goes. _I must remember to thank him for that._ The light on Eiri's face was creepy, and it made him look like he wanted to leap over me and strangle any piece of information out of my new fiancee, regardless if it pertained to Shuichi.

_Everything would be easier in my world._

I sat down opposite of Eiri, who had plopped himself down in one of Hiro's run down lazy-boys. I couldn't really look Eiri in the eyes, so I instead occupied my time fiddling with my nails and pretending to clean out mysterious particles of dirt. I could tell that Eiri knew I was nervous, and that didn't help my predicament. I thought that the moment was going to go on forever, and that eventually I would run screaming out of the room due to that damned stare. Luckily, Hiro came to the rescue again, brandishing a shirt and three cups of coffee.

"Well?" Eiri said impatiently.

"Well. . . . . let's start from the beginning."

Eiri glared at Hiro, as if the few seconds he took on the sentence delayed a victorious return of a delightful Shuichi.

"After Taki, Shuichi kind of. . . . . well. . . . he died, is the best way to put it. At first I thought he'd shown remarkable strength and gotten through it, as Shuichi would, but about 3 months later, I noticed that his performance in the studio was lacking. Unfortunately, so did Touma, and so he and I decided to try and convince Shuichi to go see a psychologist."

Eiri shifted uncomfortably, but covered it up by sipping from his cup. Eiri didn't know it, but I could see straight through him (although, often times I wish I couldn't), and he was thinking about Kitazawa. Hiro seemed to notice too, and so he waited a bit before continuing. _You're walls are failing. . ._

"Well, we tried, and it didn't work. Shuichi claimed that he was just sick, and that he needed some time to recover, then he'd be back on his feet. We didn't persist, and for awhile it seemed he was doing okay. But when Shuichi started missing practice, we stopped avoiding the issue. It was about 6 months or so ago, when I followed Shu from your house, and he ended up in a café. With. . ."

"With who damnit!" Eiri roared, I cringed, and Hiro, not missing a beat, answered.

"You need to calm down. You can't run out of here and expect everything to be fixed with your temper. Shuichi is sick, Eiri, but not in the way he claimed he was, and you running in on the situation isn't going to help. He was with Taki, Eiri. And yes, they fucked. And yes, it was sickening. But before you let loose on him, you need to understand why."

I winced when Hiro said Taki's name. I hated that man more than I was jealous of Shuichi. In a way I had hoped that Shuichi could, at least, save Eiri from the deep end. And it was working. Until that bastard Taki walked in and fucked everything up. In the end, at least, I'd just wanted Eiri to be happy, and I wanted to see them succeed. I hated myself for it, but at least Eiri's eyes lit up when he looked at Shuichi, in a way they never did with me.

"I. . . uh. . . he. . I. ."

I've never seen Eiri lost for words, so the image before me frightened me more than a thousand devils waiting on my doorstep. He appeared to loose his bones, and sunk down into the chair, his hands going limp, and his eyes growing dark.

"Eiri. . . did you ever tell him he was bad in bed? Did you ever yell at him and tell him that he was worthless? Did you ever tell him to quit whining, and just deal? Yeah? Well I did too. He's trying to get rid of us, Eiri. He thinks we'll be happier, and he thinks he's bettering himself."

"But. . . Taki. . . . why Taki?" Eiri looked up at Hiro like a little boy asking his mom why the neighbor kids beat him up.

Hiro hesitated, and I could tell he wondered if what he was about to say was the right thing to do, and whether or not Eiri could stand it.

"Taki. . . he thinks that Taki will mold him into what he needs to be. He thinks. . . . . he thinks that he needs to be hurt in order to learn."

In those few seconds I thought I saw rocks turn to dust. 


	3. Chapter 3: No Home, No Heart

**Rocket Collecting Dust :**  
Chapter 3 : No Home, No Heart

**Chapter Details**  
_Pairings_ : EirixShuichi, TakixShuichi  
_Rating_ : 13+  
_Warnings_ : Mentions of rape, guns, and some course language.  
_Chapter Style_ : Introspective, Eiri, Hiro.  
_Chapter Notes_ : Chapter 3. A bit of a slow moving chapter, but I wanted to get some more character build up in. It's a pretty long chapter, consisting of 3 parts. And thank you for the helpful comments, to those of you that have reviewed.

**Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Chapter 3, Part 1 : Coffee and Clocks

Everything that was being said to me in that hour took bricks out of the wall I'd been building since Kitazawa. It scared me to be so close to that edge, and I wondered just how much of me they could see. I was coming undone, and due to my tremendous luck I had an ex-fiancee and the best friend of my current lover to see what ugly monster I had hidden beneath the veil.

For the first time in a long time I had no plan. No course of action. Just an overwhelming urge to muster what strength I could and strangle Shuichi's location out of Hero. But I couldn't do that, because I knew, in my heart, Hiro was right. I couldn't just barge in. This was something that needed to be taken care of at home, with inside locked doors, and away from Taki's influence.

_2:47 am_, and still raining. The red of the clock's light burned my eyes. I was thankful that Hiro's apartment had such insufferable lighting, because my head was spinning, and a trip to the hospital was not what I needed. I needed him in my arms.

"What do we do?"

I chastised myself, but I knew Hiro had more complete and sufficient answers than I would ever be able to find in my own twisted head. He was the golden light to Shuichi, and right now, there was no other one in sight.

"We go to your house and wait. You and I."

"Wait for what" I shot back. I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but I had a sickening feeling that Shuichi wouldn't be coming home. I could see him lying in a gutter somewhere, the bruises and cuts stinging against the cement.

I began to remember noticing those small details, the Shu always passed off as his clumsiness. I had believed it, there was no fault in that, for it was a world renowned fact that Shu was only graceful on stage. He couldn't cook, he couldn't slip into positions in bed. . . . but he could sing, and he could heal. If only he knew how to turn that power on himself.

Another bit of information I'd neglected racked my head. He wouldn't fuck me. It sounded foolish and selfish on the inside, but I knew why I had thought it. What scars, what damage lay dormant under those cloths, marring that beautiful perfect flesh?

**Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Chapter 3, Part 2 : Time kills us all

"Hey, Eiri, stay with us."

Somehow I'd managed to crawl into my car, by Hiro was driving.

_Hiro's driving my car? I am fucked up. Where are we?_

"Just outside your apartment."

I jumped, and Hiro smiled, ushering me out of the car.

"Talking out loud is nothing new to me. For god's sake, I've known Sh-"

And he stopped short. I knew why. Even hearing that name without knowing that Shu was safe and sound hurt like a bitch.

I leaned against the car, regaining my balance, and waited for the sidewalk to stop spinning. When my head settled we went inside the complex, and headed up to my room. Hiro ran ahead of me, and I sulked behind. I didn't feel like opening the door to an empty house, when I kept hoping that maybe Shu would be inside, and Hiro would scream "Gotcha."

My stomach dropped a little more in disappointment when I saw the lights were still off, and there was no bumbling pink ball of energy waiting to run me down. I wanted to give Hiro that deck in the face for tricking me, but there was no use. There was no trick. Shu and I were really crawling around in the gutter, and I couldn't fix it yet.

Hiro shuffled off to the kitchen to prepare more coffee, and I stood in the living room. _Our_ living room. I silently thanked and cursed Shuichi for decorating the house with so many pictures of us. It was comforting, but it was the trick I didn't want to come. The only purple eyed devil left was one printed on paper.

I sauntered to a chair and fell into it, waiting for Hiro to return with the much appreciated caffeine. I lit a cigarette, but it didn't taste the same without Shuichi criticizing my habits.

_Pull yourself together. It's not even morning yet, and you're already assuming he's never coming back._

_He's not._

I took a slow drag from my cigarette and allowed my head to fall back against the chair.

_I'm standing behind his chair, in a beautiful restaurant, and I pull it back allowing Shuichi to sit. He smiles at me, and I take my place across from him. His eyes light up, and he asks the waiter for wine. My favorite. I try to taste it, but all I can taste is strawberries, and I like it. I nod my head in acceptance, and then I look at him. His words are muffled, but I can tell he's happy. His eyes glimmer, and he keeps talking, not knowing I can't hear him._

The tables starts to grow longer, and I reach out towards him. He keeps talking, and I keep getting farther away. It's getting darker, and all I can see is him, glowing and laughing. Then he's crying, and I'm on top of him. His face is smothered against the carpet, and there is that bottle of wine, strewn across the floor. I'm above it now, watching him die and he keeps his eyes downcast as he cleans up the shards of glass embedded in the carpet and in his skin.

"Kitazawa."

**Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Chapter 3, Part 3 : Gone Away

"Eiri! Wake up." I scream. He jolts up, smacking our heads together, and causing my to land hard on my ass in front of him.

He looks startled, which I could have guessed he would be. I can only imagine what disgusting thing he was dreaming. He winces, and scopes the room, quietly gathering where he is.

It's dawn, and the morning light is seeping in through the wall height windows, warming the room. The coffee he spilled when he fell asleep the night before has left a muddy stain in the carpet, and his cigarette ashes cover one of the arms of the chair. He familiarizes, and then sits up, ready to ask the question I don't want to answer.

"Where's Shuichi?" he asks, and I let my head fall forward in defeat.

"He never came home."

The power of those 5 words hits him hard, and I almost see a tear forming in one of his golden eyes. He slumps back, closing his eyes, and obviously attempts to push the fear and anger deep down into his heart. We sit there in silence for 5 minutes before he gains some string of strength, and stands. He stretches, and calmly walks to his room. I hear something click, and I know he got out his gun. I can remember Shuichi complaining about having a gun in the house, so many years before. But now, I agree with Shuichi. A gun should never be in a house with Eiri Yuki.

"Stop." I order when he returns to the living room.

"What do you expect me to do? Just sit here? Wait for the obituary?" He shoots and me, and I swear I can taste the loathing seeping gout of his veins.

"What is Shu going to do with you in jail!?" I retort, standing to meet his impatient gaze. He stands as if stone, but I know that this stone has some very large cracks.

"I won't shoot him, if I don't have to."

"Your definition of "have to" is exceedingly different from that of the eyes of the law."

"I don't care."

Unfortunately, this stone has seemed to patch up those cracks when he needed to. I knew there was nothing I could possibly do to stop him, and so I nodded, and we walked out to the car. I tried the driver's seat, but he shoved me out of the way. I stood a bit bewildered for a second, until he screamed at me to get into the passengers seat. I obliged, regretfully.

"So, where to."

"I don't want to tell you."

"You've got no choice." 


	4. Chapter 4: Pretty When You Cry

**Chapter Details**  
Pairings : TakixShuichi,  
Rating : xXx  
Warnings : Rape, scarification/tattooing, blood, nasty language, and forced BDSM.  
Chapter Style : Taki, introspective  
Chapter Notes : One part chapter. I wrote this one because I wanted you, the readers to understand the full circumstances surrounding Shuichi's unfaithfulness. I wrote it twice, once in Shuichi's POV, once in Taki's. I like Taki's better, mostly because it tells the story in a better way.

Also note, here I use positions of Gor (Google "gorean slavery", and you'll find out what I'm talking about), and Vast's "Pretty When You Cry."

**1** Nadu. The first, and most popular position of Gor. The slave sits on their feet, legs spread, back straight, and sets their hands on their legs. Their head held high, and their eyes are downcast.

**2** Table. The slave is on their hands and knees, head parallel to the floor, legs slightly spread, arms crossed on the floor, and back completely straight.

**Rocket Collecting Dust :**  
Chapter 4 : Pretty When You Cry

When I woke up, Shuichi was laying at the foot up my bed, naked and bruised. I love these early mornings, and I love the way Shuichi's hair falls on his face, with the morning light shadowing the cuts and bruises made the night before. His eyes are swollen from the night of crying and pleading. I love his tears. I love his scars.

you're made of my river baby  
you're made of my sin  
and i cant tell where your lust ends  
and where your love begins

The night before had left me reeling as well. He cried much easier than in the past, even the first night we were together. I smile. That first night was horrendous, horrible. Beautiful. It'd been me who had made the first move then. The 3 others with me had beaten him to the brink of death, and then I'd taken him as my own. He had wept and pleaded then too, but I had given him what he needed anyway. And contrary to popular belief, I'd been the only one to give him that.

_I am the only one who could, and who can._

Shuichi is one of those mysteriously rare people who light up a room. They bring happiness and peace to everyone but themselves, and in the end, they rarely get what they really need. _Bare, unyielding pain._ I had been one of those enigma's before, but my awakening had been to harsh. It destroyed me, and made me into what I am now. A beast. A whore. And everything Shuichi needs. And I won't make the mistake of turning him, I will keep him safe from the tragedy of becoming me. He will stay forever, a beautiful doll.

_ I didn't want to hurt you baby,  
I didn't want to hurt you.  
I didn't want to hurt you,  
but you're pretty when you cry. _

When I'd first met him, he irritated me. I had hated every sound clip I'd ever heard, loathed the image of his beautiful face. But then, I knew - I knew I had to be the one to give him what he needed. Someone to awaken the true masochist sleeping inside his beaming heart. Shuichi is the truth of all truth's - he is the definition of life. The brightest beam is always the darkest inside. Even the miraculous event of birth is surrounded by pain.

_Life is suffering to those who give life. _

I didn't want to do what I knew I had to do, in the beginning. I'd even brought people with me in case I couldn't. Accomplices to a transition, to a new life, though they didn't know it. I had spent months agonizing over the list of punks and thugs (that I'd stolen from Touma's office), trying to find those few who fit the profile. When I finally found them, I called them immediately, as not to lose my own ambition. They agreed easily, and I had my plan. I just had to enact it.

When I saw the first tear from his eyes, I knew I couldn't deny him his own life. I knew I couldn't let him die. I hated myself for it, but I could not possibly let him go. After that hour, my heart was changed, and I felt _it_. That need. That overwhelming sensation I'd known only second hand from the man who taught me everything.

And now Shuichi is here, crawling to me, and the plan is blooming.

And the moon gives me permission,  
I enter through her eyes.  
She's losing her virginity.  
and all her will to compromise.

I roll over and bury my head in Shuichi's hair. _Strawberries_. I sigh in approving admiration and lust, and cloe my eyes, letting the scent wash over me. A moment passes then his breathing changes slightly.

_He's waking up. _

I pull myself from the bed and stretch, letting the morning sun shine over my own scars, the proof of my own forgotten happiness. I stand watching the morning grow for a few minutes, and then I dress, pulling on my soft cotton barriers.

Like band-aids, I suppose. Sheltering everyone from the mistakes of two men who thought they knew what they were doing.

"I wish we had. . . . ." I whisper, and Shuichi stirs.

I wipe the smile from my face, and turn to him, now scolding. It's for his own good.

"The sun is already up, and you're not even dressed." I state calmly.

I can see fear cross his eyes, and my heart squirms. I hate that part of this necessary chain.

"I'm sorry, I meant to be up Taki, I really did." He pleads. I wish I could let it slide just once, but I know that I can't. One nicety, and he'll be doomed.

"Up, now."

He knows what's coming, and his heads bows. He stands, wobbles, and then straightens his back.

"Nadu.1" I command, and he obliges.

I didn't want to hurt you baby,  
I didn't want to hurt you.  
I didn't want to hurt you,  
but you're pretty when you cry.

His hair shrouds his face, but I know what is there without having to look. His eyes are staring at the ground, and his face is contorted with concentration. I have him in Table 2 now, but with 3 bricks stacked up on his back. One for each time he moaned last night, and one for sleeping in. Still, he's faced worse, and keeps his back perfectly straight, not letting the weight of the bricks draw his back down into an arch. There are little rivers of blood running down his sides, emphasizing the contour of his ribs, made by tiny sharp pieces of metal molded into the stone bricks.

_I spent quite a pretty penny on you doll, those bricks are custom made._

His ass is round and plump, and I can hardly resist tearing off each brick and fucking him right then and there. But each participant of this needs to be self-controlled. I can't lead with a bad example. I circumvent his place, piles of newspaper beneath me crunching with every step. _I remember when that noise used to make him flinch._ But now he's steady and unyeilding, taking his punishment as a lesson. I had not given him permission to make noise when I used that icicle toy, and he had disobeyed. He knew, very well, that he deserved, and needed those bricks.

"Two hours up in 2 minutes." I give no outward show of encouragement, but he knows, just as Eiri calls him brat as a term of endearment, my keeping time aloud is an attempt to give him strength.

He starts to shake, and for a split second I worry, but I hold back. He'll make it. I stand, holding my breath for two minutes, and when the clock ticks it's last second, I breath a sigh of relief, and begin removing the bricks.

The blood has dried in patches on his back. Dark, cracking splotches. I let him stand, eyes always down, and take him to the bathroom. I start the bath with the perfect temperature even against the best of my self control.

_A little treat, that's all. _

I test the water, and he smiles at me in appreciation. I hand him the necessary tools for his own after care (a brush, soap, isopropyl alcohol, shampoo, conditioner, bandages, and a few pieces of cheese to boost his vitamin K levels), and leave to begin breakfast. Normally, the slave cooks, but I wouldn't let Shuichi near a stove. My life depended on it.

I turn the radio on and his voice pumps through the speakers. I change it quickly, (I still abhor his music), and find something more fitting. An independent industrial station serenades me with Vast. Perfect.

I didn't want to fuck you baby,  
I didn't want to fuck you.  
I didn't want to fuck you,  
but you're pretty when you're mine.

Once I've finished cooking, I prepare two plates and set them down on my coffee table, which has been moved back to it's proper place. The bloody newspaper is gone, and there are no stains on that carpet. I smile.

_The boy knows what's expected of him. _

Shuichi walks out of the bathroom, makeuped and clean. He stops in the doorway, and I nod towards the food, giving him permission to eat. I watch his diet closely, making sure he get's the food he needs, and doesn't eat to much junk. His figure is to perfect to throw away, especially since he's a musician. A popular musician at that.

He eats quietly, and when we finish, he does the dishes. I sit in my kings throne, staring out the window, and listening to the familiar sounds of Shuichi. When he returns from the kitchen, his face is the same, concentrating on doing the right thing. I've taught him well. I motion for him to sit at my feet, and he perches himself below me. I can smell those strawberries again, and I glance at the clock. It's 11:38. Usually he leaves around 9, but he had to stay for his lessons.

_I should let him go. He needs to keep people, especially Eiri, unsuspicious. When I can finally finish his training he move in with me, but until then, he's to fragile to deal with Eiri, Touma, and that damned Hero. _

I find myself not so convincing, and slip my fingers through his hair. He looks up at me, surprised, and I hush him. He moves away, and I feel the anger in my stomach start to rise. I glare at him as warning, but he shakes his head at me.

"I can't I have to get ho-"

I didn't really love you baby,  
I didn't really love you.  
I didn't really love you,  
but i'm pretty when i lie.

"_I love you._" I whisper in his ear, and he shifts uncomfortably before uttering the words back at me.

I feel the pressure of my own emotion tether close to snapping, and I think of Eiri, and how Shuichi'd given him those words so freely without a response, or acknowledgment.

_How can you care about Eiri Yuki? I give you everything, and in return all I ask is obedience and love. How is it so hard to care for me, when I keep giving? Eiri's infected you, and I'm going to have to cleanse every though of him from your mind._

I reach over towards him, and he flinches backwards, in the same fashion that he did the first lesson I'd ever given him. Only now, there is fear behind his motivation. I grab his hair, and force him to the carpet that, only moments ago, stood beneath me while I believed Shuichi and I were getting somewhere.

"I'm going to have to start from the beginning aren't I, you little slut? _I_ have trained you, taking my own time to give to you what you want, and you reject me? I don't think so. If you still think of fucking Eiri every time we fuck, I'm going to cleanse you. I'm going to keep you as mine, for your sake. You will never see him again. You will never think of him again."

You hurt me baby.  
I hurt you baby.

I can feel his own emotion radiating, and filling up the room, but he can't muster up the strength to push me away. His head is smashed against the carpet, and his eyes are closed, but his mouth is determined.

"Please, Taki, please. I want to be with you, I do. I want to learn. But if Eiri finds ou-"

"Don't you dare say his name in my house again."

I stand using his back as leverage, and kick him hard in the stomach. He curls up around my foot, and the tears start flowing. So beautiful. I kick him again, watching his tears come faster, and I lose myself.

"_I hate you._" I whisper.

If you knew how much i love you,  
you would run away.  
When I treat you bad it always,  
makes you want to stay.

His body shudders again, under my weight. He hasn't spoken since I bit down on his lip, when he tried to protest again. His body is soaked in sweat, and his hair is stuck to his face. His arms and are tied to my bedposts to prevent any physical determination, and he's laying flat on the bed. I haven't even gotten to the best part yet, I've only used a few toys to get him started. Right now a large black but plug is sticking out of his ass, and I have a knife in my hand, ready and willing.

He whimpers, catching the glare of the sun off of the knife, and I dangle it in front of his eyes, just to see them widen a bit more. He glances between me and the knife, and I know he knows what I'm going to use it for. His head cranes in my direction and he tries to make his eyes do the begging.

"You need your mark. My mark."

He flinches as I sit up, and I laugh.

"It's not even touching you yet, my beautiful doll."

I didn't want to hurt you baby

The knife traces the lines of his back, and I guide it down both his spine. He shudders, little goosebumbs popping out of his skin. His body reacts in every way possible, and I can't help but lick my lips. I make the first incision about 2 ½ below the nape of his neck, on the right side. He whimpers, and tries to move his body away, but my weight on his ass keeps him from doing anything but squirming.

I contemplate the first incision, and then make another. The blood leaks from each, like the ink from a tattoo, and I get a wonderful idea. I lean over and search through the drawers in my bedside table, finding a small bottle filled with Indian ink. I open it, and dip in the knife. I lean back over Shuichi, and continue carving my emblem on his back.

I didn't want to hurt you baby

When I'm finished, I wiped away the blood with Shuichi's shirt, and admire my work. Two fantastic wings stair back at me. They meet at his spine, and convert into a vertebrae, that continues down his back, and fades with every millimeter. The tail bone, nearly invisible, centers right on top of the real thing buried inside his skin.

By now Shuichi's body is in shock, and he barely moves at all. This disappoints me, but merits no punishment. I don't have time for calculated rebuttal with a roaring hard on waging a war with the zipper of my pants.

I stand, and unzip my pants, careful not to snag anything, and crawl back onto Shuichi. The feel of warm skin against his own wakes him from his trance, and he breaks, crying and shaking underneath me. I shudder in anticipation and remove the butt plug. It makes a sickening dry sound as it comes free, and I frown. The skin is red and rashed. For my own sake, I'd have to use lube, something I'd liked to stray from.

I open the bottle, and Shuichi's wailing grows worse, amplified by the sound of the bottle snapping open. I position myself above him, spreading his legs with my own, and slid in. His muscles are twitching and clenching out of control, and my legs nearly buckle underneath me. The feeling draws me close to orgasm, but I gain control, and begin to make hard thrusts.

In time, the hard thrusts morph into frenzied thrusts, and Shuichi's muscles loosen. The blood, sweat, and ink between us has melted into an ugly color, one that covers my chest and leaks onto my bed sheets. I smile and thrust again, but he falls motionless.

"Shuichi, don't you dare just lay there."

How can you do this to me now?

He makes no sound, but lifts his hips towards mine in a half-hearted attempt to pacify me. I lean over to see his face, which is now blank canvas, and I growl.

"Show some fucking appreciation, you goddamned faggot."

He looks up at me, and frowns.

I turn my head away, and continue thrusting, but the lack of Shuichi's compromisation makes for an uneventful and somewhat forced orgasm. I pull myself out and smack his ass in frustration. He still lays there, unmoving, and I growl again.

Frustrated and annoyed, and peek under the bed, pulling out my box of toys. This morning he would have flinched at the sound of the metal sliding over the carpet, but he doesn't. I unlock it, and pull it open. Still nothing from Shuichi. I rummage through the contents, and find my prize possession. My electric wip.

My teacher gave it to me when he'd let me go, and I'd kept it hidden for a very special event. This one, although, I'd planned to use it in an event foreseen, would do just fine.

I strut towards the bed, and flick the little switch on. The wip lights up, and I position my hand on the handle. Shuichi turns his head towards the wall, and I can see his muscles brace themselves.

"It's no use, little jezebel. You won't be able to stomach this one." 


	5. Chapter 5: The Fault

**Rocket Collecting Dust :**  
Chapter 4 : The Fault

**Chapter Details**  
Pairings : TakixShuichi, EirixShuici  
Rating : 13+  
Warnings : Blood, a bit of course language  
Chapter Style : Taki, Eiri, Shuichi, Introspective  
Chapter Notes : 4 part chapter, but all of the parts are pretty short. After receiving a review from ashcat, I wondered myself about how this could have happened, and who was at fault. That is the gist of this chapter. Also, I'm sorry that this chapter took so long to get out. I struggled quite a bit with this particular piece, and it took me awhile to come to this. It's a bit underdeveloped, but I hope overall it is a successful chapter.

**Rocket Collecting Dust : **  
Chapter 5, Part 1: Your Halo Slipping Down

_How did I let this happen?_

I've never spent such a long time in uncomfortable silence with Eiri Yuki. Thinking back on it, I wondered how Shuichi stomached those long seconds next to him, waiting for something that seemed like it would never come.

Don't misunderstand me, I had no particular need to arrive at our destination. I had been trying to avoid this scenario since the beginning. But for some reason, in those moments of pure silence, a large, overwhelming awkwardness arose, and I couldn't wait for the car to stop. It felt like I had been sucked into limbo, and the only thing I could think about was how I could have kept this from happening.

There was a certain sickening smell inside that car. It stunk of pain and fear, of sex and cigarettes. And the _fear_. The gut wrenching fear that I had been to late, that I had just sat and watched Shuichi die. I had covered my eyes and ignored the pleading sounds of someone who had lost their way. I wondered why I hadn't ran to Eiri the moment I knew, I wondered why I hadn't dragged Shuichi from that car filled with hot steam.

I know the answer, and it's selfish. I just simply didn't want to deal with it. I had been living in Shuichi's world of fairies and pixies – I had hoped I was dreaming. I had prayed that the image of Shuichi stratling Taki with that look of pain in his eyes was some disturbed nightmare I had.

Unfortunately, it wasn't, and I'm still here, in this car, suffering in the silence that's threatening to smother me.

I lean my head against the window, and close my eyes, blocking out the flashes of trees running past us. I try and block out Eiri's ambience. But I can still feel him sitting there, determined and hurt. It's like he's wearing perfume, and the perfume's screaming at me.

"Hiro, we're here." Eiri says, half awake, half asleep.

I can see that he'd rather circle the block, but at the same time, his muscles were practically spasming to get inside. He turns off the car, and sits, staring out the window, watching the rain slam down on the windshield. I know he doesn't want to validate Shuichi's faults any more than I do. He doesn't want to be given proof that he hadn't protected Shuichi, and neither do I.

"We need to go in." I say, my voice hollow and quiet.

He nods in my direction, and unlatches the door, dragging himself out. I follow suit soon thereafter, and we stand in the front of Taki's apartment. I can see the parking lot from where I stand, and I shudder. 

_Where it all started. . ._

**Rocket Collecting Dust : **  
Chapter 5, Part 2: Ripping You Apart

I almost blame him for what's happened. _Almost._ But more than that, I blame myself. I spent the time I had with Shuichi slowly taking him apart, or completely ignoring him all together. The odd thing is that, were I in this situation with anyone other than Shuichi, I might just blame that person. But it's hard to blame someone so appearingly innocent. From where I stand, my shadow casts out against the bricks of the building, and laughs at my mistakes, laughs at what I have done. I sneer, and nearly talk back to it, but it's right. I let him go.

It's hard to make that first step. I hesitate, and my legs stay put defiantly. I chastise myself, and wonder what one more second for Shuichi could mean. _He could be dying, and your standing here like a fucking moron._

So I take that step, and the steps following become easier. I waste no time ringing the door bell – I mean, what good would that do? Ring, ring, you have my lover, give him back? No, it wouldn't work. So I try the doorknob, and the luck with me only a night ago neglects me.

"It's locked." I say.

"No shit." Hiro answers, and looks at me. I know what he's thinking. He wants to break down the door, but I know that if Taki hears us enter he might just kill Shuichi then and there. We have to be subtle. We can't rush.

"Let's try a window." I suggest, and he nods, just as I hear Shuichi begin to plead.

Actually the more appropriate word would be scream. I know that voice anywhere, and that scream bites away at my logic. I turn to Hiro, but he's not there. Instead I see a shattered door, and a dark living room. I step over the fractured door, and my walk turns into a run. I can hear screaming and pleading, and Hiro shouting, but I can't find them. It's like I lost myself in an alternate dimension, and I'm doomed to hear Shuichi's pleas for the rest of my life without being able to help.

It takes me 5 minutes to find them, and in those five minutes, Taki already had Hiro bleeding on the floor. I glance towards him, but my concern lies with Shuichi. I turn my head, and what I see makes my stomach churn.

**Rocket Collecting Dust : **  
Chapter 5, Part 3: Choices

My vision is blurry, but I can see a figure standing above Taki, with a gun. The scene is quite odd, and I might be embarrassed, but now I can't feel anything but pain. Taki has me pinned to the bed, naked, and I'm sure I'm bleeding. The weird thing is that I can't tell from where. My whole body is lit up with fire, and I can't discern one injury from another.

_Why did I do this?_

Eiri instructs Taki to do something, but I can't make out the words. Taki motions towards the knife he has placed strategically between us both. He's leaning down on it, and I can see blood starting to emerge from a tiny pinprick in my stomach.

_If Eiri shoots him, he'll fall, and the knife will slip into me._

For the first time, in a long time I feel ashamed. This predicament is my fault, and I should have seen it coming. But once again, my powers of thinking ahead failed me.

_I just wanted Eiri to be happy with me._

I try to say something, but the words get caught up in my throat, and I choke, making both Eiri and Taki look at me. It's amazing how much they look alike when they have that same look on their faces. They stair at me, and I wonder what I should do. What I can do, with Taki and a very sharp knife in close vicinity?

_Yesterday was supposed to be different. I had wanted just to tell Taki that I couldn't do this anymore. I had planned to leave this morning, for America. Los Angelos. I was going to start over, and not depend on anyone. I was going to leave Eiri to be happy, and Hiro to be successful. But I couldn't, and now I've ruined everything._

I hear Hiro gurgle in the corner, and I know I have to do something. I can't let him die for some stupid mistake I'd made. I turn my head in Taki's direction, but before I can say anything a loud sound echoes in my ears, and I hear people franticly screaming.

**Rocket Collecting Dust : **  
Chapter 5, Part 4: Little Girls In Waiting Rooms That Know So Much

I hadn't wanted to shoot Taki, because I knew that Shuichi could die with one wrong move. It seemed a bit ironic to me, though. Once again, I was standing above a rapist with a gun. Once again, his chest had a gapping hole, and once again, I was crying. The only difference is that I didn't have Touma's help.

Shuichi must've passed out the moment I pulled the trigger, because he was laying still on the bed, unconscious, but still breathing. I had caught Taki before he fell on the knife, and I thanked every deity I could think of that my luck had saved itself for that second.

Now I'm holding him in my arms, trying to stop the bleeding in every area I can. Hiro's miraculously managed to crawl towards a phone, and call 911, and Taki is laying in a funny position at the end of the bed.

All I can think about is how much blood there is, and I keep checking Shuichi's breathing. I have to keep him here, with me. The paramedics rush in and try to take him from me, but I can't let him go. Eventually they realize that even the jaws of life couldn't pry my hands from his body, and so they let me help him onto a stretcher. Hiro's on one too, and I check to make sure he's breathing as well.

We carefully maneuver the stretchers down the stairs, and I can feel the acid in my throat perk up every time we hit a bump. We painstakingly get them down, and I think about how funny Shuichi looks all wrapped up with iv's hanging out of his arms. The lights of the ambulance give his face an odd color, and for a moment I'm glad he's unconscious. At least unconscious, I know that he's not in pain.

When we arrive at the hospital, I follow the stretchers in, but some giant doctor forces me into one of the seats in the waiting room. The lights are dimmed just like in Hiro's house, and the walls a graying. A little girl is sitting across from me, reading a magazine, and listening to an MP3 Player. I can make out the song, just barely, and I know it immediately. It's smashing pumpkins, and it is one of Shuichi's favorite songs. I scoot closer just to hear it, and the girl looks up at me.

At first she evaluates the blood stains on my clothes, and I can see her eyes get wider. When she finally looks up at my face, she smiles, some comforting smile, and pulls her headphones off.

"Hey." She says non-chalantly and I murmur a response back.

In her eyes, I can see everything projecting back to me. Her eyes are only those of a 12 year old, but it seems like she knows the meaning of life. She looks straight through me, and understands.

"Do you like this song?" She questions, and smiles.

"It's one of my boyfriends favorites."

"Ah." She replies, and stretches out her hands toward me. In her tiny little palm is a treasure not worthy of me. I attempt to shake my head no, but she pushes it towards me, and I take it.

"I hope he's okay." She says as I take it, and the complete and utter sympathy in her eyes makes me want to rip them out. I'm not sure how or why I'm so angry, but I know that it's not her fault. It's not mine, Shu's, or Hiro's. It's collective. We all had a part in breaking each other down like acid to metal.

I slip the headphones over my head, and the song flows over me. I can hear Shuichi's voice echoing behind Billy Corgan's. A distant, happy voice. One that I'd helped crush. 


	6. Chapter 6: Johnny Dear Don’t Be Afraid

**Rocket Collecting Dust :**  
Chapter 6 : Johnny Dear, Don't Be Afraid, I Will Keep Your Secrets Safe

**Chapter Details**  
_Pairings_ : EirixAyaka, AyakaxHiro, EirixShuichi  
_Rating_ : 13+  
_Warnings_ : Some sex, and a naughty word. 0.0  
_Chapter Style_ : Introspective, Shu, Aya  
_Chapter Notes_ : I know it took me forever to put this up, but I have a thesis (that's due tomorrow, and I've yet to finish it. . . . ). Yes, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. As for the chapter, it's pretty damned short, mostly because I felt it ended where it needed to. I actually wrote it nearly . . . 3 weeks ago, I believe, but I've been mulling over it in my spare time and attempting to better it. Insofar, I've been unsuccessful, and what you'll see below is what I originally wrote. Like many of my chapters, it went through several different variations (I love to explore every chapter and the characters and actions that could take place, and see which one feels more. . ."right" to me), but I ended up choosing the piece that I wrote first. Now, it's angst, it's typical, and it's not original at all. But I felt that it fit, and I hope you agree.

Warning minus spoilers : It seems as though I have some sort of loathing for Ayaka, and I will admit that I do feel she's a bit whinny, but I don't loath her. I believe she's enamored and the situations that surround her are placing her in a difficult position. I believe she loves Eiri dearly, and can't seem to control it.

1 : Swedish word for cunt.

**Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Chapter 6, Part 1 : Flash Forward to the Sterile Rooms

When I woke up, Eiri was passed out awkwardly on a decaying, and undoubtedly uncomfortable hospital chair. He looked somewhat like a dog, kicking in his sleep, and growling just beneath his breath. I couldn't remember much of the previous night, but I knew that at some point, I'd gotten a call from the hospital informing me that my fiancée had been severely injured. As I remember it, I wasn't very surprised. Hiro tended to go a bit overboard sometimes, and when that happened, he always forgot to think before he acted.

And now, here he is, laying on what could be his death bed.

When I arrived, I can vaguely recall some woman in a white lab coat with graying hair escorting me into the room, but I can't seem to recall anything else. She might have said something about internal injuries far worse than anything I could see, but I'm doing my best to assimilate to a perfect world where Hiro will wake up and we'll get married straight away.

But no. That pinked haired degenerate might have just destroyed it all for me again. In my heart of hearts, I knew that I shouldn't feel so antagonistic, but I couldn't help it. He'd taken away my first fiancée, and now, he might have just stolen away my last resort.

_These moments always bring out the worst in me. _

Truth be told, I've never really loved Hiro with the same intensity that I love Eiri, but he is all I have. All I can have.

When Hiro told me about Shuichi's indiscretions I wanted to laugh. A sick, malevolent laugh that usually emanates from someone locked away in a padded room. Secretly I prayed that Shuichi would fall for Taki and I would at least get to pick up what was left of the crushed pieces of my ex. Instead Eiri ran back to him, and there he lays, dreaming something undoubtedly sickening, and I can't help but want to coddle him.

**Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Chapter 6, Part 2 : Constantly Consuming

Something pulls me to his sleeping body, and that something is deep-rooted, dark, and completely incoherent. I can feel my conscience screaming out to me to stop my hand from caressing his face, to stop me from kissing his forehead, to keep me from straddling his waist. But something . . . something drives me foreword, and I just keep going, fueled by the soft appreciative moans slipping from Eiri's beautiful lips.

I know I can give Eiri what Shuichi cannot – simply put, I can make him moan. In fact, I can't imagine Eiri ever finding any sort of pleasure riding along inside the annoying singer. He probably squirms, has no talent at blow jobs, and isn't even worth the time it takes to fuck. Eiri deserves something more complete, he deserves me.

His eyes flutter a bit, but he stays sleeping, his dream changing into some erotic fantasy. And I'm a part of it.

I slip my hands under his shirt and around his waist, and lay my head on his chest. He twitches slightly, but I can feel that he's growing harder. He turns his head to the side, and I take advantage of it, sliding my tongue across his sensitive ear. He responds absolutely wonderfully and rewards me with a deep feral moan.

_This is all for you Eiri. All for you. _

I can feel his erection starting to grow, and I take my chances with his belt. Slowly I remove it, careful to make as little noise as possible. The dirty feeling I'm getting builds up in my stomach and releases a passionate kind of aggression. Suddenly I can't wait to pull him out of his boxers, and show him what a real woman can do.

Luckily, I'm wearing one of my lighter skirts, and I maneuver it around him, careful to place it so I don't slip on the lace. With his pants unbuttoned, and his cock completely revealed, I can finally taste a bit of what I yearn for. I don't rush – Eiri's fast asleep, Hiro's in some sort of comma, and Shuichi has gone into some martyristic shock, that refuses to let him wake up.

I play with him a bit, gliding my tongue over the appropriate nerves, and reveling in the look on his innocent face. It doesn't take to long before his appreciative sounds make me impatient, and I let him impale me.

And when I say _impale_ I mean exactly that. He's. . . for lack of better verbosity, hard, thick and long.

When I slide all the way down to the hilt, I feel a bit of pain, but it doesn't last long. Eiri's natural reflexes cause his hips to jerk towards me, and I begin to realize just how easy screwing him is going to be. Before long I've forgotten to be quiet, and I'm riding him like it's the end of the world.

Unfortunately, only a few seconds after he grunts his final grunt, I feel eyes on the back of my neck.

**Rocket Collecting Dust**  
Chapter 6, Part 3 : Fetta (1)

"You fucking whore."

It was the first time I've ever really said anything with those words in it. I prefer to keep my language as positive as possible, but I can't seem to stop it now. I whisper it across the room, daring to look eye to eye at the women with whom I'd finally realized I'd be competing with for the rest of my life.

_And Eiri. . . . . oh god. . . . they. . . . _

The urge to throw up hits me fast, but I can't seem to get the energy to stand. By the first step out of the hospital bed, my legs crumble, and Ayaka stands before me looking smug. I look from her to Eiri, tears forming like poisonous beads at the corners of my eyes, and the urge to vomit surges threw me again. Eiri's eyes are on me, but he doesn't say anything. He just sits there and watches me puke all over the sanitary scented floor.

Then, it hits me a second time, when I catch a glimpse of his cock. It's out, and it's glistening in the morning sun.

_He came. . . . oh god. _

By my third round of gut clenching agony, the nurses must have sensed the commotion, and come running in, white aprons swaying in front of me as they franticly try to get me to stop trembling. It goes by so fast, and all at once, they have me pacified with some sort of calming drug and laying on that damned hospital bed again.

I keep my head pointed towards Hiro, afraid to see what kind of look adorns Eiri's face. I don't want to see him looking down at me with a malicious grin. I don't want to see how cold those golden eyes can get. And possibly worst of all; the tears of poison are now streaming down my cheeks, threatening to form two vertical damns in my face. I knew Eiri hated it when I cried, and I couldn't -I wouldn't- let him see it.

For the first time, I can feel a bubbling rage seeping into my body. I've never been one quick to feel real, frightening rage, but now, I feel like a psychopath that's been cemented to a wall. I want to strangle the smirk from Ayaka's face, and I want to run. Run so far away, that I can't even find myself.

"Hiro." I whisper. "Hiro, please wake up."

I don't know where the words are coming from because my mouth feels like its bolted shut, but for some reason, I need Hiro to wake up and make everything go away. I want him to make Eiri love me again; I want him to make Ayaka love him. I want him to wake me up and hold me, all the while assuring me that I've just had a very bad dream.

Outside I can hear a car starting, and people screaming. It sounds like someone I used to know, but it can't be. Eiri wouldn't say such harsh things, especially to his lover.

_His new lover. I'm out. . . godamnit. . . . he's finally gotten tired of me. _

I gather the courage to look behind me hoping to get a chance to grovel at the novelists feet. But the room is empty except for two nurses, bent into L's, cleaning up my bile.

_This room is my new mortuary._


	7. Chapter 7 : Our One Heroic Pledge

**Chapter Details**

**Pairings : **YukixShuichi, HiroxShuichi

**Rating : **M

**Warnings : **More sex, mentions of rape, and course language.

**Chapter Style : **Introspective

**Chapter Notes : **Hah! I've finally done it!

**Rocket Collecting Dust**

_Chapter 7 Part I : _

_In The Cold Light Of Morning_

"Eiri, please turn the car off. I think that you car would find it most offensive if all the sudden Ms. Ayaka's blood suddenly splattered all over it."

_That snake. The infamous Touma Seguchi, arriving just in the nick of fucking time to ruin my plans. _"Very rational Touma, but I'm in a more. . . spontaneous mood as of the moment."

I could see him calmly smooth the creases out of his shirt in the small rectangle of my rear view mirror. Always calm, always collected. The fucking bastard. In fact, it's almost creepy how stoic his expression is. What's worse is how much more menacing it get's when he's smiling.

Beyond his complacent veneer, I can see the sun gliding up over the horizon. Once that early morning light was so warm, so invigorating. Now all I can see is the cold shadow the sun has yet to reach. For a while Shu had me believing that it was better to see the lighter side of things, but now I realize how jaded he really was. The only thing worth noticing is the shadows on the bright lining - they're filled with every nightmare you could imagine, and worse. Always vigilant - you must be. This clusterfuck is the price you pay for forgetting that.

The morning mist covering everything makes a beautiful reflection, yet it is not enough. I yearn for that warmth, yet here I remain, sitting in my car, basking in the cold light of morning. Keeping watch. Keeping guard.

I can see Shuichi's room window from my current vantage point, but it does nothing to calm the obnoxious shivers crisscrossing my back. I finally feel it - the pain adrenaline keeps at bay in times like this. It crawls up my legs, to the base of my spine, and surrounds the spasms of cold like a heated blanket, and finally enveloping them. I'm on fire, and every nerve twitches with the anticipation of my bodies natural reaction to incredible pain. The shock.

It doesn't come.

"Please Eiri, I do not want yet another of my _dearest_ friends taking up space in that building."

It a threat, and he damned well knows I'm aware of that fact.

"Touma - Not. Now."

I slip back into the slick leather of my seat and observe my situation. Ayaka has run back inside the hospital. I guess she got tired of our little game of tag, and I guess I'm still 'it'. Touma's ever so gracefully removing the miscellaneous pieces of lint and hair from my clothes with painstaking detail, yet being completely outwardly oblivious to the bloodstains.

I need to throw away my shirt. And pants. Hell, I need a fucking incinerator.

"Touma, stop it." I bat his hands away, and he regretfully obliges.

"Let's get you back inside, _Shuichi_ is awake now." He uses every word as a dagger, probably covered in poison. I'm too tired to tell.

"Fuck you Touma, I know he's awake."

"Oh _of course._ You woke him up."

"I did **not**. _Ayaka_ did." It's straightforward, blunt, and oh so scathing. I beginning to see myself rearing my ugly blonde head again.

"Well no matter, let's get you cleaned up."

I know he'd love to attend to that task personally, and to be frank - I may have just let him out of shear frustration and lack of willpower, but then I remembered I still had something to lose in all this.

**Rocket Collecting Dust**

_Chapter 7 Part II : _

_Down on my bended knees, I'd break the back of love for you._

I don't know how long it'd been since I'd started to clear the hazy fog in my vision, nor do I remember when I felt the fragile frame of Shuichi crawl into a curled position beside me. I do know at some point Touma poked his head through our door and started barking orders at the nurses. I remember the nurses trying to separate Shu from me, and I remember how tightly his small hands gripped my sides. I mean, to be absolutely honest, it hurt like hell.

Oh yes, and I am absolutely clear on the first time I realized exactly how much of a train wreck I was. The doctors tried to explain exactly how far that went, but I couldn't listen. They always seem to attempt to make your injuries into technicalities - I think it's their way of trying to help you cope. A name for your pain and all that. But I really didn't give a fuck why I hurt, I just wanted more morphine.

_Hiro, I'm sorry._

Shu kept repeating it over and over, like a personal mantra. Every condition or break the doctors described, Shu concluded with that phrase. I tried everything to get him to shut the hell up, but nothing seemed to get through to him. Eventually I gave up and just shrouded him in blankets. He looked like a baby, swaddled in the itchy hospital garments. He _felt _like a baby. And no matter how many nurses I bothered to add to his cocoon, he shook.

"Shu, stop shaking. Are you cold?"

"No."

And so it continued until I fell asleep on the second day, and awoke sometime late that night. ( I was thoroughly enjoying my sleep, as, of course, doctors and nurses like to limit your pain meds. Those assholes.) My bed was cold, which was odd considering the events of the past few days. I groped around, looking for Shuichi, but I couldn't see or feel anything worth seeing or feeling. My outstretched hand caught the cool metal of the side rails, and I managed to pull myself up. My head reeled from the elevation, but I managed to catch myself before I hit the ground.

I stood their for a few moments catching my breath. It may have taken me an hour or two to get my head on straight for all I knew, but quicker than I expected I was able to move about quite easily. I steadied myself on the wall and inched my way over to the light switch, which was more of a knob. I turned it until it clicked, and in the low light I saw a tiny figure curled up in a dusty corner.

"Shu?"

He had his hands outstretched in front of him, like he was holding something back. He head was pressed against his knees, and all the while he seized violently. As the sounds of the hospital washed over me, and I heard a faint knocking that I'd managed to block out before. He was gently tapping his head against the wall.

A fleeting thought of possession passed through my mind, and I was absolutely terrified. Visions of old American horror movies and pea soup flashed in front of me, and then I came back down to earth. When I did, I was kneeling in front of him, trying to separate his arms just enough to pull him out of his stupor, and maybe, just maybe, snap him out of it.

"Shu, come on, it's me. It's okay, come on."

"It's. No. Use."

"What? What isn't baby? What's going on?"

And he hit. I was a little to stunned to move at first, as his balled fists pummeled me backwards. He was surprisingly stronger than I'd thought he could be, and my chest re-ignited into a furry of pain. That was enough. My hands fond some sort of grip on his forearms, and I managed to slide him around to facing the wall. He twisted and struggling, whimpering, and then screaming in alternating choruses, like a broken alarm clock.

I pulled his arms across his torso and slid him against me. I found my footing and pushed us both back into the cold tile of the wall, support I desperately needed. My heart was pounding, and my breath was heavy. That probably didn't help the situation, and in one swift movement of self defense, he arched his back forward, and slammed in back in the opposite direction.

"_Shu what happened to you?"_

"_I. . . Taki. He . . . Eiri kicked me out. . . I was leaving the apartment. The parking. . .lot. He. . . oh god."_

I wheezed and gasped, and finally I had the upper hand again. I knew what I was up against. Shu had this same kind of fit the night Taki first touched him. I remember he woke up screaming and fighting, and I - I didn't know what to do. This time I knew.

I restrained his arms again and with my extra hand lifted both of our hospital gowns.

"Shu, listen, it's me. It's Hiro."

_Whisper. Remember to whisper._

I lifted him up, with strength from god knows where.

_My own dues ex machina._

"Please, babe, it's me. You're in the hospital. Just breath."

I slid underneath him, ready to do what I had to. I hated that it came to this, but it's the only thing that helps.

_Please._

"Breath. In. Out. In. Out."

I tried performing the simple action for him, but it was quite difficult when I was trying to keep him from jabbing me in gaping wound in my chest. Well, okay, not gapping, bandaged. But still.

"Oh god no." It was faint, but I heard it, and I knew I had no choice. I could either sit and watch him struggle or I could stop the pain for just a moment. Now, I'm a bit of a softy when it comes to Shuichi. He's my longest and best friend, and watching him flail like his was is not on my list of things I can stomach.

So I didn't just watch.

He went completely rigid, fell back towards me, and latched onto my arms like hell was coming for him - which for all I knew, was in a shiny new car speeding down the highway towards the hospital right now.

I curled around him, attempted to form some sort of fucked up shelter, and slowly started moving. He didn't respond for a few minutes, which is quite awkward. Especially when, by this time, the room was filled with an audience. I tried to ignore Eiri's gaze and focus on helping Shuichi - but it's kind of hard to have sex with your best friend in front of your fiancee, your best friends murderous boyfriend, your boss, and a bunch of strangers staring at you. Especially when it appears that you are raping your best friend, who was previously almost catatonic.

Oh yes, I was quite sure that this time being Shuichi's friend was going to kill me.


End file.
